Pray please

Today, Tim and I have been told at least 3x to pray for our marriage. Something we already knew, but the recurring theme of conversations is making it really hit home.

Yesterday, I wrote about how I know that I am doing something wrong and didn't want to stop. And this morning I talked to my mom and took care of some business. It maybe was cowardly to do it via email, but I would have bawled like a baby if I had to do it voice. Actually, if it had been personal in any way, I don't think I could have done it. Because it hurts. More than it should, but, isn't that the way it always is?

So, the other person involved is so much stronger than I am. I have been virtually excised. But that's a good thing. One of us needs to have a backbone, and it wasn't going to be me. I kept running back instead of facing reality. Now I have confession to make, and forgiveness to ask, and, honestly, for a proud person, that's hard. I want my actions to be justified. For the longest time I wanted to keep my options open, but doing that wouldn't allow me to focus on my marriage or give the something else a fair chance.

So, if you pray, pray hard for hearts and minds to be opened, trust to be restored, and healing for ALL parties involved. Because I really f*&^%#D up.